Range of Motion

I wear filters in most of my relationships. I believe we all do. I have the daughter filter, the granddaughter filter, the neighbor filter, the political filter, the religious filter, the professional filter, and too many more to list. Each filter category has settings ranging from low-flow to high-flow. My settings vary based on several variables.

Does this mean I'm phony? Maybe a little. But, I view it as respectfully navigating social waters, while protecting myself from the sting of social rejection.

I was describing a relationship to a friend yesterday [one of the few friends with whom I wear no filters], and I was listing a couple of filters I wear with someone. I clarified that as I've gotten older and more comfortable in my own skin, the filters were looser than they used to be but still necessary.

I've been thinking about friendships and relationships lately. Who I feel accepted by, and who I accept fully. I'm recognizing that I can evaluate the depth of a friendship by the amount of room we give each other to be human beings.

There are people in my life who I afford more life flexibility than I afford myself. There are others for whom I've created boundaries, and I'm not comfortable when they cross or leave those boundaries. My parents, for example - not a friendship, but a significant relationship - have a defined space and list of acceptble behaviors in my mind. The space and behavior list continues to grow and broaden the older I get. Ironically, I expect them to be more generous with their acceptance and support of my choices. It's primal.

The conversation I had with my filter-free-friend yesterday resulted in clarity that's difficult to articulate. My friend commented, "... if your range of motion is that limited with [a person], is the friendship really that important to you?"

The people who allow you a full range of motion are gifts. I can think of three in my life. How many do you have?